Can Anyone Be An Expert? Picon Announces New Brain Surgery Division
Former (thank God) Reno Mayoral Candidate Eddie Lorton at the Washoe County Commission meeting.
Picon would like to apologize for being absent for a few days. We know many of our readers were worried. Some wondered if we had been sued, arrested, banned from public meetings, or trapped in a Washoe County public records request.
The truth is much simpler.
We've been busy performing brain surgery.
Now before anyone asks, are we brain surgeons? No.
Are we doctors? Absolutely not.
Do we possess any medical training whatsoever? Also no.
But then again, if people can run for office five times and suddenly become self-proclaimed forensic auditors, business analysts, government experts, budget specialists, constitutional scholars, and overnight policy gurus, we figured brain surgery couldn't be much more complicated.
After all, confidence seems to be the most important credential these days.
Our new surgical center, Picon Neurological & Tire Rotation Clinic, specializes in removing common ailments such as:
Chronic government transparency deficiencies.
Severe cases of taxpayer amnesia.
Acute election denial syndrome.
Inflamed public relations departments.
And advanced cases of "I read one Facebook post and now I'm an expert."
Patients are encouraged to bring their own anesthesia, preferably in the form of county meeting recordings.
Our surgical instruments include:
One butter knife.
Two Harbor Freight screwdrivers.
A flashlight with weak batteries.
And several years of reading government agendas.
Frankly, we feel fully qualified.
After all, if someone can lose multiple elections and still become a self-appointed forensic auditor and business analyst, perhaps Picon can become Northern Nevada's leading neurosurgical practice.
Coming soon:
Open-heart budget surgery.
Emergency transparency transplants.
Ethics bypass operations.
Public records root canals.
And our newest procedure, the "Selective Memory Removal," popular among certain elected officials.
Please note that Picon is not actually performing brain surgery, medical procedures, or any other healthcare services. We can barely keep our printer working.
But in today's world, titles often seem to be awarded by confidence alone, so we're considering adding "Chief Neurological Correspondent" to our business cards.
Until then, we'll return to doing what we know best: asking questions, filing records requests, attending meetings, and occasionally operating on political logic with a very dull scalpel.
Even after the primay, the prognosis for local government remains guarded.